''People help the people'' she
said. ''and i'm just here, keeping myself alone, waiting and looking around''
God always know what’s hidden by
people. And she was hiding herself
from the crowd. Ignoring the lie and the
drama. She was too tired by falsity. Falsity of the past, exactly. ''People may
assume me as a coward. And they will never get to know me more. How's the pain,
how's the scared''. People just judge. And it's called as our society.
***
Helena likes purple. She's
cheerful, but it was years ago. When everything felt like easy and joyful. She
opened herself to everybody. Smiled and friendly. Those were her, in ages
Since her parents died
in a car accident. Everything seemed hard and dark. No
cheer no smile. There was just terrible anguish.
June, 5th. 2003
June, 5th. 2003
''Live life, that's a bullshit. I
have nothing here. Everything went away from me. Why should I be alive? For begging some happiness?'' she grumbled
''My dear, Helena. When people
were given a grief, there's always the replacement. A better replacement. God
is fair'' Mrs. Dolores was trying to calm her down.
''No, God is unfair!!''
''God is fair, Helena. People
have destiny. It is a fate for human being. Trust me that someday you'll get
dozens of happiness. Learn to be able to accept
''But...'' Mrs. Dolores moved
towards to Helena.
''Accept, believe and be strong.
Okay?''
''Yes, Mrs. Dolores''
''You promise not to get mad again, dear?''
''Yes''
"Oww by the way, happy
birthday! Happy 12 years old, Helena'' Mrs. Dolores gave a teddy bear for Helena.
''Thanks Mrs.Dolores. You're so
kind'' Helena smiled and looked happy with her new teddy bear.
***
Helena, 17 years old
Day after day passed by me. My
life gets better. Five years after my little conversation with Mrs.Dolores. I
still have her teddy bear and hug it every night when i start to fall asleep.
Now i'm seventeen. I'm growing
up.
That's should be a natural thing. Accept, believe and be strong. That's the
key. The pain almost healed. And it's so far better since i found Henry in my
life. He always supports me. He always there beside me. And he is the first one
I love. And i hope he will be my first and last love for me. He's the reason
why i stay here. He is.. My daydream about future.
Do you ever feel like really fall
in love with someone?
How someone be the
most important thing in your life. And i dont wanna lose him. I give my faith,
my life, my trust and my love for him. And only him.. I swear.
***
4 years later..
''Please Henry, don't let me go''
Helena cried
''I swear Helena, i won't let you
go. But my parents force me to marry Sharon''
''Prove me you love me''
''No, Helena. It's hard. I can't.”
''Then, you don't love me''
''Yeah'' Helena surprised by the
answer.
''Unbelievable, you lie! You are
terrible liar! It's been 4 years we are together. There’s
so many things that we’ve been through. Why are you so
easily break all those things? It's not as easy as you imagine. Henry, i love
you. Please stay with me''
''No, Helena'' Henry tried to
leave. But Helena stopped his step
''Henry, tell me. What is so
great about her?''
There was no answer from Henry.
Just a quiet moment.
''I try to defend our
relationship. And what is it mean for you?'' Helena showed her ring on her
finger. ''Don't you remember the moment when you give this to me and you said
marry me?'' Henry just stood still with no words.
''This is difficult to put an end
to our relationship. It's closer to our marriage. Please, wake up!''
''No, Helena. It's over!!'' Henry
snapped. That was the second answer that surprised me.
''It's ridiculous! You come and
say ''it's over'' suddenly with no reason and you are going to marry a girl
that you knew for a month?''
''Yes..''
''Is that your answer?''
''Yes. Helena''
''I know you are insane'' Helena took
off her ring and threw it into Henry's
face. Then she walked away in front of him. Hoped he’d stop her. But in
fact, he didn’t.
Since that day Helena cried every
night. Waited for him to
apologize. But he never came. It made more painful to her. What
do you feel when a half of your soul left you with a million memories?
***
Helena.
June 5th 2013
Long time ago i was a little kid
who assumed God is unfair. Now i know everybody has their
own destiny. And it was given by The Lord. There's happiness inside the
sadness. Although I haven’t found mine
yet. Life teach me how to accept the truth. And the truth makes me stronger
and stronger each day. I’m full- grown now, I
can face my own problem in the past.
Sometimes I feel numb, and empty like I have no sense at all. Live as an orphan
in the orphanage makes me despair. The pain is still real even too real. But i
can handle it. I give my best regards to my parents over there. Every night,
every morning, everyday i pray for them. The car accident and the betrayal were
never be forgotten. I've learned to live life. I
always remember what Mrs.Dolores said. A woman who replace my parents position
as a caretaker. Accept, believe and be strong.
"Helena.." An old woman
with wheelchair leads towards me.
"Mrs.Dolores.."
"Happy birthday!" The
old woman speaks haltingly. I melt, and i wanna hug her tight. She’s always been the only one who remembers
my birthday each year
"Thank you so much Mrs.
Dolores"
"Ouuhh, don't cry sweetheart
and always remember..."
"Accept, believe and be
strong" I cut her sentence before she continues her conversation.
"Aha.. that's right, dear.
Here's your gift. Open it"
I open the gift, an elegant
wedding gown looks very interesting.
"Thanks. It's
beautiful" I said
"I want to see you being
happy in this gown someday, dear" Mrs. Dolores strokes my cheek, looks
into my eyes for a while. Then, she goes on her wheelchair. I am holding the gown, enjoying the
silence. I remember when Henry left me. I swear, I’m not gonna make the
same mistake again, trusting the wrong guy. I'll never disappear for my
happiness. That's why i'm here. Waiting for the right person.
Thanks for reading.
Writer : @Listarani
Editor : @ghnfiani
